Am I a bad diabetic? Probably. I've tested once in the past few weeks. I've eaten carbs til I felt sick (admittedly, that doesn't take too much). I haven't checked my weight in a few weeks, so I have no idea if I've been doing any damage to those holiday pounds. I'm thinking about my diabetes, but not deeply. I'm not stressing it, I'm not logging it, I'm not always listening to the little voice saying 'I should' or 'I should not'.
Quite honestly, I put the whole darn thing on the back burner for large amounts of time. I do the basics. I eat something fiber-filled for breakfast (oatmeal/oat bran). I don't drink sugary drinks (including juice!). I do my once a week workout (usually). I try to not binge on the carbs and ask work to stock some low carb snacks.
But I cheat. And I don't test to make sure I'm really making the best choices. And I ignore the nagging little voice that tells me I should be paying more attention and doing a better job. After all, it's my body, my health, my future.
I feel like I'm the only one struggling sometimes. As if there's this great ocean of people who do what I do because they don't know any better. But because I do read up, and I do consider myself educated, I should be able to 'fix' all these bad habits and cravings and avoidances. I can read uncounted blogs about people who handle it just fine, thank you every single day. If they can do it and more, why can't I? Am I just lazy? Stupid? Self Destructive? It's been two and a half years now. I should have the hang of this, shouldn't I?
Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.
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2 comments:
Hi Laura. Thanks for commenting over at GDAT!! earlier. I like your site, and you can count on me visiting regularly.
None of us are able to stay 100% dedicated to managing our sugar 100% of the time. It's never easy. We do whatever we can to try to motivate ourselves toward improvement.
Lots of folks out here in the OC have great ideas about exercising, meals, medication, avoiding hypos, etc, etc. My problem is finding enough time to read all the great information. But when I do find something that might help me, I make up my mind to at least give it an honest try.
For about twenty years, I disciplined myself to write down everything that had to do with my daily blood sugar management. I had a form that I designed for recording the date, insulin injections, blood sugar tests, exercise, other meds, and every last scrap of food I ate, and the time I ate it. Sometime in the future, I'll write a post about those daily sheets of paper that I kept in my pocket.
I'm not suggesting that this is good or bad for anyone other than me, but I am saying that it was a simple discipline that kept me testing my sugars regularly, and it helped me stay on the right path.
Like you said, it's my body, my health, my future!
Thanks for the detailed reply here! I really appreciate it.
I did go through a phase where I tested 4-6 times a day, and logged what I was eating, had really good blood sugars. And my A1C went UP.
I think for right now I do better with a little distance, so I'm not obsessing over it all the time, or thinking it's my blood sugar every time I feel unwell/tired/shakey.
I'm really glad it works for you though - that kind of discipline is very admirable. I'm hoping I can find a method that works well for me in time.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment.
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