Conquering Fear

Sometimes I think it's better to not do something at all instead of doing it badly. Sometimes I realize that that kind of thinking is going to prevent me from doing a lot of things I want to do. So, we'll give this a try. The worst that can happen is no one reads it. I can live with that.

I can't eat for the rest of the night - A1C and Cholesterol tests tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous about it as I was not eating by my diet in any way shape or form over Dec and January. I had a lot of excuses - It's the holidays, we're moving and don't have a kitchen, but that wasn't the real reason.

The real reason was: I ate what my blood meter said didn't raise my sugars much (ei, I tried to keep it within 2 point range ( 160 in US units). I was expecting an A1C in the 5's. But it was a 6 - which is higher than I had the year before, when I wasn't trying the whole low carb and whole grain thing. It was incredibly frustrating - not only did I lose faith in what my meter was telling me, but I felt I'd really hit the limit of what carbs I could cut from my diet. It felt like all the work I'd been doing - we're talking adding exercise, changing my diet, and losing 40 pounds accomplished nothing.

Now I have a new doctor who should be more pro-active. Which I need, because I'm really not sure where to go from here. I'm on the max dose of metformin. And a 6.0 isn't a bad number. Many people would kill for those numbers. But I don't want to see them higher. I have no idea what my diagnosis number was - I've only got 2006 (5.0) and 2007 (6.0). This is a very bad trend. I don't know at what point I become officially 'type 2' instead of 'insulin resistant', but I'd really rather not cross that line, as arbitrary as it seems to me.

So, tomorrow, I get some blood drawn, schedule a follow up, and try to tackle this whole thing again.